Hindsight is a bitch. It has convinced me that the present has severe eye-sight issues. Logic helps act as a poor replacement for spectacles. But it rarely gets the timing and mind-speed right.
And that’s why, hindsight!
Imagine if we were to drive with a muddy front glass, and exceptionally clear rear-view mirrors.
I often feel my glass is muddier than average. I call it the anti-climax phenomenon.
My mind is forever in that mode, even during normal conversations. Remember, the dialogue in the movie ‘You’ve got mail’ where the female protagonist complains that she never thinks of appropriate responses at the spur of the moment, but much much later? Yep, that’s me. Except, this happens all the time, and not just when I’m angry.
It’s like my mind goes into mute mode the moment I have company. It doesn’t shut off, but its input process overtakes the output process. Like your mouse and keyboard are working, but you see the reaction of clicking or typing hours later on the screen.
I know it means my mind needs solitude to process thoughts. But, even day-to-day conversations? That’s taking it too far.
As a result, I not only have thoughts in my head during my me-time, but continuous relays of past conversations, their thousand possible responses and the repercussions!
Where’s my pensieve?! (Heck, that spelling looks incorrect. Hmpf!)
And to add to all this, there’s hindsight, churning out smart little observations, pointing out missed opportunities and mistakes.
What’s the point! It’s not that I can go back in time and change things, can I? Yes, I know I’ll learn from it, but how often do we have the exact same situation repeat in life? The next lesson is always different? There’s no point.
It’s like we are simply moving in circles!
P.S.: This post itself is an example of the delays in my mind and the effects of solitude. A lot of thoughts have burst forth in one day. Ergo, three posts! Who knows, maybe I will end up writing another before hitting the bed!