To the guy I choose to marry in future

Dear you,

I want you–all of you. I want to look into your eyes when I wake up, every day, every night. I want to lie beside you in bed and snuggle for warmth during winters. I want to feel your sleep-laden arms around me, feeling me up in your dreams. I want you to wake me up in the middle of the night to have your fill of me.

I want you–all of you. I want to know the tiny details of your everyday life. I want to know who told you what, who made you feel what, what you saw on the way to work, and what you thought while you nibbled on the sandwich during lunch. I want you to share every single detail of your life, until it becomes mine. All of it, until it fills me up–my body, soul and mind. And I want you to fill the spaces between my fingers, and permeate every hollow in my body–the space between skin and flesh, blood and bone; even the very space between skin pores.

I want the security of your arm as my blanket. And I want the freedom of our travels. I want to feel the smooth skin and sooty smell of your body against mine. And I want to feel your lashes blink against my cheeks as you fall asleep.

All this and more, until your life becomes mine, and mine yours.

I want to carry the warm, invisible stamp on me–the mark that says I am a taken woman, owned in entirety. That I’m a woman conquered.

A woman who finally, willingly chose to admit defeat and surrendered her life at the feet of happiness, of domesticity without having given up her wings. That I’ve been touched so deeply, that no other touch matters.

Dear you, I want to love you until you’re my sun, my sin, and my heaven. And I want you to love me back. I want you to smile into my eyes and laugh at my jokes, poor as they may be. I want you to share your dreams and your fears, your likes and your dislikes, the things that you love and those that fill you with awe. And I want to take those and make them mine, until I practically see the world through your eyes.

You see, I was once a woman who kept a part untouched, hidden away from the world. I was once a woman who sought to hide in frivolous flings, uncaring and distant. I was a woman who didn’t appreciate the full intensity of love. I once ran away from all this.

Not anymore. Not with you.

Today, I want to give you my all, and more. Today, I want to be with you. Today, I am combustible, and only you know how to light me up. Today, I am yours. Today, I am you.

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What Pain feels like

What pain feels like

Imagine you are in an enclosed room with no window or door. Only limited supply of air. Slowly, it feels as if the walls are moving in, further choking you. You try desperately to claw your way through the walls. Soon enough, you fall short of enough oxygen and it feels like your lungs are going to burn through the skin. You don’t know whether to tear your chest apart to let some air in or bang on the walls. All the while, it is closing in further and further until it almost becomes another layer of your skin.

No, you don’t die. This is pain, not science. You are cursed to live in suffocation until you drown in your own misery.

This is what pain feels like.